How Not to Visit the Atlanta Zoo: A Hilarious Guide

Planning a trip to the Atlanta Zoo in July? Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to make it a memorable, albeit chaotic, experience with an infant in tow. Learn from our mistakes and get a few laughs along the way!

1. Rise and Shine at 6:30 AM: Leave for the zoo with an overpacked stroller and an underprepared attitude. After a few hours and multiple stops, you’ll finally arrive just in time to catch the afternoon sun—perfect for getting crispy.

1. Dress for Discomfort: Ignore the weather forecast and dress everyone, including yourself, in outfits ill-suited for 90+ degree temperatures. Yes, even those stylish white jeans that will soon resemble a sweaty mess.
2. Overstuff the Stroller Basket: Fill the stroller basket with all the essentials—diapers, bottles, sunscreen, toys, and wallet—until you can’t find anything without a full-on treasure hunt.
3. Forget the Free Zoo Map: Ditch the free zoo map that could save you hours of wandering. Instead, rely on the sporadically posted signs that might lead you to the next exhibit… eventually.
4. Buy Overpriced Water: Spend $3.00 per bottle of water at the entrance, despite knowing you could have brought your own ice-cold water from home. Hey, at least the stroller basket was too full to fit it anyway!
5. Struggle with Baby’s Comfort: When the baby starts overheating, attempt to change into a cooler outfit while wrestling with an overstuffed stroller basket. Skip the sunscreen application, and prepare for a sunburn panic.
6. Fight the Sunblock Battle: Finally unpack the stroller basket to find the sunscreen, only to discover that the baby is now in the carrier, with exposed skin in direct sunlight. Apply sunblock in a frenzy!

So, what’s the verdict on Ike’s first zoo trip? A roaring success, of course! Despite the heat, the chaos, and the unmistakable smell of zoo animals, we all had a blast. Ike may have spent most of the day napping, but that’s a sign of a good adventure, right?

“Ike! Look at the elephant!”

“Huh? My blanket?”

“Ike! Look at the giraffes!”

“Whut daddy? Look away from the giraffes?”

“OMG Ike! Look at the adorable panda bear cubs!”

“Zzzzzzz”

Clearly, Ike enjoyed the zoo most of all. And my husband? He looked fabulous in his super-dad uniform, complete with a gigantic camera to capture all our unforgettable moments.

Have you ever had a hilariously chaotic day at the zoo? Share your stories in the comments below!