The COVID-19 pandemic upended our lives. What started as a “two-week” curve-flattening exercise extended to years of lockdowns and restrictions, reshaping every aspect of daily life. Families were stressed—parents tried homeschooling, adult children struggled to keep their elderly parents safe (inside please!), and people everywhere took pay cuts or were laid off. On top of all that, we dealt with a scary illness. It was a dark time. But if one bright spot came out of it, it was the return of the nuclear family—a bonding opportunity not experienced by most in this country in a generation.
A few months into the pandemic, once we’d secured matching kids’ desks (a plastic monstrosity from China that was as coveted as toilet paper), established routines, and amassed a collection of masks (paper and cloth), our family began to enjoy the pandemic in some respects.
I miss those daily walks with then-first-grader Ike, who would chat nonstop about the latest Roblox escapades. I miss preparing dinner every night and eating around the table as a family. I miss the breaks between meetings and proposal submissions, filled with pretend picnics at my home office desk.
For the first time, I had the work-life balance I’d been guilty of messing up since my kids were born. The daily struggle to get myself and my kids ready, dressed, and out the door for work and school was suspended, and suddenly, we had time for outside exploration walks, family dinners, homework, and even a little couple’s time in the evenings. It was refreshing in many ways.
Out of necessity to keep businesses running, remote work and work-from-home policies were introduced—and they flourished. Across the country, people discovered they could balance work and family life successfully. Studies found that remote work during the pandemic maintained, and sometimes even improved, productivity (source). Additionally, employees who worked from home reported greater satisfaction and happiness (source). As a mom, I finally had time to read to my kids, finish the laundry, prepare balanced meals, and even teach my kids to cook. So much became achievable. We grew our own vegetables. We even did science experiments in our backyard! We HAD TIME to remodel our backyard! (Story for another time though).
Then, as the pandemic waned, corporations started mandating a return to the office. Initially, some industries lagged, and employees lobbied to keep remote work policies. But fast forward to 2024, and the tide has shifted. With corporate real estate markets struggling and many support industries (restaurants, etc.) at risk, companies are calling everyone back to the office. This comes on the heels of record inflation and depressed wage growth, but employees—on whose backs record profits were built—are now facing increased expenses with little to no pay raises.
Schools have been opened for years, but the workforce was mostly in agreement that flexibility found during Covid should remain. Because it was good for everyone! And then a whole new level of adulting was unlocked. Now, with flexible schedules, I can pick up my kids from school at dismissal, I can volunteer to coach Science Olympiad teams (Aerospace Engineer Mom here 👋), I can pick up groceries, finish meetings at Cheer practice, my husband can coach the 12U baseball team. We can parent AND work and still have time leftover for, I don’t know, talking to each other. But the conversation has recently started to shift, from “how was your day?” and “what do you want to do this weekend?” to “how are we going to manage school pick ups?” and “should one of us quit and we look for other streams of revenue?” and “this is so stressful, what are we going to do?”.
Now, former remote workers must return to in-person work. The requirements vary by company and sometimes by role, but on the whole, American corporations want employees back in the office three or more days per week, with little to no increase in pay. That means added costs: commuting, rebuilding a work wardrobe, paying for childcare, missing kids’ games, eating drive-thru dinners at 9 p.m., and trying to help with homework on the way to school in the mornings. With no added benefits or compensation.
These return-to-office policies disproportionately affect working mothers. Despite progress, mothers still shoulder the majority of household responsibilities. Numerous studies about the mental load of mothering (add links here) show how heavy that burden can be. Now, with the added demands of in-office work, working mothers face a compressed ability to be either successful parents or successful employees. The return-to-office mandate brings back the struggle to balance work and home life, and this time it feels worse—because we now know that a better solution exists and we have lived it and thrived in it.
- American Psychological Association (APA): The APA highlights that 78% of mothers report experiencing stress and mental strain related to balancing work, household tasks, and child-rearing responsibilities. In particular, mothers in dual-income households are more likely to experience “mental load” stress due to role overload. Read more at American Psychological Association – Stress in America.
- Pew Research Center: According to Pew, mothers are more likely than fathers to handle daily child-related activities and responsibilities. In fact, 71% of mothers report handling the majority of their child’s scheduling and organization, contributing to mental fatigue. For further insights, visit Pew Research on parenting and mental load.
- Bright Horizons’ Modern Family Index: Bright Horizons reports that 86% of working mothers feel responsible for the household’s mental load, which includes remembering schedules, managing health appointments, and overseeing schoolwork. This is a leading factor in stress and fatigue for mothers specifically. See more details at Bright Horizons Modern Family Index.
For me, a working mother of two that will soon be returning to the office four days a week, I am heartbroken over all that I have lost. 💔
